A Big Fat Freaking Deal
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Blog suspended
I am suspending this blog and the diet as financial matters have made it so that we won't be able to afford to eat healthy for probably the next month. A diet of ramen and mac & cheese is in our future because it's cheap and we're broke.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
What it's like to live with Depression and Fibromyalgia (cross-posted from my livejournal)
Yes I know I missed yesterday's daily post. I'll deal with that later. Right now, this post is a bit more important.
First things first, go read this post by Indigo about “What it's like to live with Depression” What follows will make a lot more sense if you do.
So now that you know what having depression is like I want you to imagine more. What if, on top of the depression, you also have Fibromyalgia?
This is what my life is like.
That 20 ton weight that is hovering over you? Is joined by the Ice-Pick Attacking Pain Swarm. Imagine half-inch scaled metal ice picks that can fly and attack in swarms and love to attack you. They attack at random times, in random places, diving the sharp points all at once into your muscles and joints. Sometimes the swarm is small, only attacking one area, one limb. Other times, it attacks larger areas. Sometimes it's a mega-swarm that makes your whole body ache.
Add to this, the fact that sleeping soundly for any length of time is pretty much impossible due to pain and possibly due to apnea. Fibromyalgia and sleep apnea often are pals. So you are not only depressed, randomly attacked by sharp, throbbing pain of unpredictable location and duration but you are also tired and your ability to focus is dulled by sleep deprivation.
This is what my life is like.
You get up in the morning and not only are you trying to deal with emotional difficulties, but you have to assess where the pain is today. If it's in my hands/wrists/arms any button shirts are out of the question. If it's in my back/hips/knees/legs I may have to use my shower chair just to get clean this morning. If I've got full-body pain, I toy with the idea of calling in to work, but the nega self says “If you do that, you'll get fired.” so you drag yourself out of bed, pain and all, and try to get on with the day.
Let's say for the sake of simplicity, that the Pain Swarm is only attacking your arms today. You wake up in the morning and it hurts to move your arms. You are tired, and want to go back to sleep, so you hit the snooze a few times. By the time you are able to be coherent, you have less than 90 minutes to get to work. Most people who are normal and healthy see this as plenty of time. However, you have fibromyalgia and depression. This is a race against the clock.
You pull yourself out of bed and try to focus on the first task of getting ready. For me it's usually taking a shower, since I lay my clothes out the night before. But let's say you aren't like me. So you get up and you go to your closet. You work in an office so you have to find appropriate attire. But, since you were so tired that you practically slept through most of the weekend, you didn't do laundry. You have 1 pair of pants and 2 shirts. One had buttons and is long-sleeved the other is short-sleeved without buttons. Only the short-sleeved shirt goes with the pants (the pants are brown, the long-sleeved shirt is black. The short-sleeved shirt is teal.) The colors are important because already you feel like you hate yourself and how you look so you don't want to mismatch the colors and face potentially more ridicule. You gather the items along with the requisite socks and underwear and put them where you will get dressed, and you decide that for warmth you will search for a cardigan to throw over the shirt. You finally find one that isn't stained or stinky. You now have 70 minutes to shower, get dressed, make & eat breakfast and get out the door and to work on time. Yes, you have wasted 20 minutes just picking out your clothes from a very small amount of choices. If you're like me, you probably spend another 3 minutes or so feeling bad about yourself for taking so long with that.
Now the shower. Your arms hurt, so you are okay to stand. Otherwise you'd need the shower chair to sit in which takes more time to find. You decide to set a timer, so you don't run over the 15 minutes you give yourself. (Because if you don't, you may space out and forget to wash your hair or condition your hair, or you may remember to wash everything, but you've taken an hour and ten minutes.) Despite setting the timer, you still take 20 minutes to shower because due to spacing out staring at the wall because you're so tired, you still haven't washed your hair when the timer goes off.
So you now have 50 minutes to get to work. Getting to work and to your desk takes at least 12 minutes, so in reality you really only have 38 minutes to do this. You wrap yourself in towels and go back to get dressed. You have to stop for 5 minutes after donning every bit of bottom-half-of-the-body clothing because you're tired and trying to stay on task. So just that takes 15 minutes. Then the upper body. But since your arms hurt it takes another 15 minutes to get your bra (if you're female, guys take about 10 minutes), shirt, and cardigan on. So now you have 8 minutes for breakfast and to get out the door. Screw it you say, and you get your coat and shoes on and just leave. You barely make it to your desk on time.
Then you spend the next however-many-hours (for me it's 5 since I work part time) at your desk doing your job. You have to use all of your focus to work, keep the depression weight from crushing you, and deal with your co-workers and possibly customers. If you're an introvert like me, it's even harder. If you work in an environment that's tense, hostile, or where you don't quite get along with your co-workers, this is even harder than THAT. I you managed to get lunch, you do okay because you have fuel. If you didn't you are now starving. You get done with your day and try to get home.
After you get home, there is dinner to be made, the next day to prepare for, if you're a student like me you may have classes or homework so you may not even be home yet, but you get the picture. By the time you get to bed for the night, you are exhausted. If you have any reserves left, you get your outfit ready the night before (because you multitasked and did laundry while cooking (if you have laundry in your home)) and you get ready-to-drink protein shakes or some other grab-and-go method of breakfast for the next day. You do the same for your lunch because it's easier.
You undress, get into pajamas and get into bed. You're laying in bed now and for some reason, even though you're totally drained, you can't sleep. Why? Because throughout the day the pain swarms have attacked your arms, but now they're attacking your legs. Your legs feel like not only are they getting jammed with small ice picks, they are electrified now and your legs are spasming and jumping like crazy, keeping you awake.
After a few hours, your body just passes out. It's now 4 hours before your alarm goes off and you have to do it all over again.
All the while you are dealing with the 20-ton emotional weight that could crush you. You feel bad because you know you should be able to do better than this. You feel lazy when the weekend comes and you never get out of bed really because you're too tired and drained from the week. If you live alone, you've got it really rough because you have no one to help you at all. I'm lucky in that respect because I at least have my husband Jason to help take care of things like laundry, cooking, and helping take care of Ranger. But even though it helps, there's the emotional impact. Due to pain, I cannot have sex with my husband as much as we'd both like. Due to pain and fatigue, I can't do as much around the house. I can barely do my job and school (when I'm in school) let alone household stuff, or fun things.
You can often feel depressed. You feel worthless. And because no one can see your fibromyalgia, no one can tell why you're in pain, some people think you fake the pain to get attention. You go to doctors who either believe you, or tell you that you just need to lose weight/go to therapy/stop being a hypochondriac. If you finally do get a doctor to believe you, it's becuase you have seen at least 4 different doctors or more. You feel like if you were gone, your partner could go and find someone healthier to be with. Your job could find a better employee. (Plus you constantly live in fear of getting fired) No one would miss you at all. Or at least, if they did, it wouldn't last long.
This is what my life is like. I deal with these two conditions EVERY SINGLE DAY. Yes there are treatments for fibromyalgia that can decrease the pain and improve sleep. However, not everyone has health insurance and/or the money to afford the treatments. If you don't have the money, you just live in this constant cycle of getting through the day, hoping that one day, there will be fewer/smaller pain swarms and things to make you feel that living is actually worth it.
It's not easy. But I deal. If you're outside of it, it's hard to understand. I hope this post at least illustrates it somewhat. It took me 6 days just to write this post.
First things first, go read this post by Indigo about “What it's like to live with Depression” What follows will make a lot more sense if you do.
So now that you know what having depression is like I want you to imagine more. What if, on top of the depression, you also have Fibromyalgia?
This is what my life is like.
That 20 ton weight that is hovering over you? Is joined by the Ice-Pick Attacking Pain Swarm. Imagine half-inch scaled metal ice picks that can fly and attack in swarms and love to attack you. They attack at random times, in random places, diving the sharp points all at once into your muscles and joints. Sometimes the swarm is small, only attacking one area, one limb. Other times, it attacks larger areas. Sometimes it's a mega-swarm that makes your whole body ache.
Add to this, the fact that sleeping soundly for any length of time is pretty much impossible due to pain and possibly due to apnea. Fibromyalgia and sleep apnea often are pals. So you are not only depressed, randomly attacked by sharp, throbbing pain of unpredictable location and duration but you are also tired and your ability to focus is dulled by sleep deprivation.
This is what my life is like.
You get up in the morning and not only are you trying to deal with emotional difficulties, but you have to assess where the pain is today. If it's in my hands/wrists/arms any button shirts are out of the question. If it's in my back/hips/knees/legs I may have to use my shower chair just to get clean this morning. If I've got full-body pain, I toy with the idea of calling in to work, but the nega self says “If you do that, you'll get fired.” so you drag yourself out of bed, pain and all, and try to get on with the day.
Let's say for the sake of simplicity, that the Pain Swarm is only attacking your arms today. You wake up in the morning and it hurts to move your arms. You are tired, and want to go back to sleep, so you hit the snooze a few times. By the time you are able to be coherent, you have less than 90 minutes to get to work. Most people who are normal and healthy see this as plenty of time. However, you have fibromyalgia and depression. This is a race against the clock.
You pull yourself out of bed and try to focus on the first task of getting ready. For me it's usually taking a shower, since I lay my clothes out the night before. But let's say you aren't like me. So you get up and you go to your closet. You work in an office so you have to find appropriate attire. But, since you were so tired that you practically slept through most of the weekend, you didn't do laundry. You have 1 pair of pants and 2 shirts. One had buttons and is long-sleeved the other is short-sleeved without buttons. Only the short-sleeved shirt goes with the pants (the pants are brown, the long-sleeved shirt is black. The short-sleeved shirt is teal.) The colors are important because already you feel like you hate yourself and how you look so you don't want to mismatch the colors and face potentially more ridicule. You gather the items along with the requisite socks and underwear and put them where you will get dressed, and you decide that for warmth you will search for a cardigan to throw over the shirt. You finally find one that isn't stained or stinky. You now have 70 minutes to shower, get dressed, make & eat breakfast and get out the door and to work on time. Yes, you have wasted 20 minutes just picking out your clothes from a very small amount of choices. If you're like me, you probably spend another 3 minutes or so feeling bad about yourself for taking so long with that.
Now the shower. Your arms hurt, so you are okay to stand. Otherwise you'd need the shower chair to sit in which takes more time to find. You decide to set a timer, so you don't run over the 15 minutes you give yourself. (Because if you don't, you may space out and forget to wash your hair or condition your hair, or you may remember to wash everything, but you've taken an hour and ten minutes.) Despite setting the timer, you still take 20 minutes to shower because due to spacing out staring at the wall because you're so tired, you still haven't washed your hair when the timer goes off.
So you now have 50 minutes to get to work. Getting to work and to your desk takes at least 12 minutes, so in reality you really only have 38 minutes to do this. You wrap yourself in towels and go back to get dressed. You have to stop for 5 minutes after donning every bit of bottom-half-of-the-body clothing because you're tired and trying to stay on task. So just that takes 15 minutes. Then the upper body. But since your arms hurt it takes another 15 minutes to get your bra (if you're female, guys take about 10 minutes), shirt, and cardigan on. So now you have 8 minutes for breakfast and to get out the door. Screw it you say, and you get your coat and shoes on and just leave. You barely make it to your desk on time.
Then you spend the next however-many-hours (for me it's 5 since I work part time) at your desk doing your job. You have to use all of your focus to work, keep the depression weight from crushing you, and deal with your co-workers and possibly customers. If you're an introvert like me, it's even harder. If you work in an environment that's tense, hostile, or where you don't quite get along with your co-workers, this is even harder than THAT. I you managed to get lunch, you do okay because you have fuel. If you didn't you are now starving. You get done with your day and try to get home.
After you get home, there is dinner to be made, the next day to prepare for, if you're a student like me you may have classes or homework so you may not even be home yet, but you get the picture. By the time you get to bed for the night, you are exhausted. If you have any reserves left, you get your outfit ready the night before (because you multitasked and did laundry while cooking (if you have laundry in your home)) and you get ready-to-drink protein shakes or some other grab-and-go method of breakfast for the next day. You do the same for your lunch because it's easier.
You undress, get into pajamas and get into bed. You're laying in bed now and for some reason, even though you're totally drained, you can't sleep. Why? Because throughout the day the pain swarms have attacked your arms, but now they're attacking your legs. Your legs feel like not only are they getting jammed with small ice picks, they are electrified now and your legs are spasming and jumping like crazy, keeping you awake.
After a few hours, your body just passes out. It's now 4 hours before your alarm goes off and you have to do it all over again.
All the while you are dealing with the 20-ton emotional weight that could crush you. You feel bad because you know you should be able to do better than this. You feel lazy when the weekend comes and you never get out of bed really because you're too tired and drained from the week. If you live alone, you've got it really rough because you have no one to help you at all. I'm lucky in that respect because I at least have my husband Jason to help take care of things like laundry, cooking, and helping take care of Ranger. But even though it helps, there's the emotional impact. Due to pain, I cannot have sex with my husband as much as we'd both like. Due to pain and fatigue, I can't do as much around the house. I can barely do my job and school (when I'm in school) let alone household stuff, or fun things.
You can often feel depressed. You feel worthless. And because no one can see your fibromyalgia, no one can tell why you're in pain, some people think you fake the pain to get attention. You go to doctors who either believe you, or tell you that you just need to lose weight/go to therapy/stop being a hypochondriac. If you finally do get a doctor to believe you, it's becuase you have seen at least 4 different doctors or more. You feel like if you were gone, your partner could go and find someone healthier to be with. Your job could find a better employee. (Plus you constantly live in fear of getting fired) No one would miss you at all. Or at least, if they did, it wouldn't last long.
This is what my life is like. I deal with these two conditions EVERY SINGLE DAY. Yes there are treatments for fibromyalgia that can decrease the pain and improve sleep. However, not everyone has health insurance and/or the money to afford the treatments. If you don't have the money, you just live in this constant cycle of getting through the day, hoping that one day, there will be fewer/smaller pain swarms and things to make you feel that living is actually worth it.
It's not easy. But I deal. If you're outside of it, it's hard to understand. I hope this post at least illustrates it somewhat. It took me 6 days just to write this post.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Daily Post - Jan 27 2011 - College applications are rough
Weight –381.8 I went back up. NOT Happy about any of that.
Mood –Started out tired. Was tired and drained most of the day and then went straight to frustration and desperation.
Pain Level -Really not bad today. Had some aches which brought my level up to 5 in the afternoon but it quieted down by the time I got home.
Breakfast –Meijer - Unsweetened Applesauce Cups, 4 -oz cup
Slim Fast - 3-2-1 - Chewy Chocolate Crisp Meal Bar, 1 bar
Snack1 -Ate breakfast too late in the morning so I didn't eat a snack before lunch
Lunch -Slim Fast 3 2 1 - Chocolate Peanut Caramel Meal Bar, 1 bar
Meijer - Unsweetened Applesauce Cups, 4 -oz cup
Doritos - Nacho Cheese Chips 1.75oz, 1.75 oz (49.6)
Snack2 -Aqua Full - Berry Bliss, 1 Pouch
Dinner -Chicken alphabet soup, 2 serving(s)
Dessert – Meijer - Unsweetened Applesauce Cups, 4 -oz cup
Drinks -2 liters of faux tea, the water with the Aqua Full and another tall glass of faux tea which I think was 24 oz.
Exercise -No, I felt like crap most of the day and just wasn't up to it.
Vitamin taken? -I will do it after this post. I always forget.
Meds taken? -yes, with the usual exclusions right now. I cannot wait until I can get my meds filled tomorrow.
Today has been a load of stress and annoyance. Between stress at my job, stress over some upcoming events (that are too complicated to get into right now), and stress over my application to Illinois State University, *tries not to tear hair out* yeah....It's a miracle that I haven't had to be taken away in the damn straight jacket tonight.
The biggest problem with this application? I have to write a personal academic statement. 500 or so word of me trying to sell myself to the school. Yeah, I have had low self-esteem my entire damn life. I HATE writing about myself that isn't journaling or blogging to the point where I don't have to impress anyone. Thankfully, I have a few friends on Facbook who are willing to help me edit/revise so that it doesn't read like complete drivel.
Hopefully I'll have the application submitted tomorrow. Then, comes the waiting.
Dinner tonight was a basic crockpot chicken soup. Frozen veggies + chicken I snipped into smaller peices with kitchen scissors, + canned fat-free low sodium chicken broth + spices cooked on low all day. An hour before serving I dumped in half a box of alphabet pasta. Yummy, simple and filling which was what I needed.
Also a note about the damn doritos I ate. I needed something salty. The really annoying thing about slim-fast is that it's all sweet. There is no salty/savory in it except what you have for dinner or snacks. It was getting to me and the vending machine at work was empty of most things except those, potato chips and candy bars. I find myself wondering when the sun chips and baked lays are coming back.
Mood –Started out tired. Was tired and drained most of the day and then went straight to frustration and desperation.
Pain Level -Really not bad today. Had some aches which brought my level up to 5 in the afternoon but it quieted down by the time I got home.
Breakfast –Meijer - Unsweetened Applesauce Cups, 4 -oz cup
Slim Fast - 3-2-1 - Chewy Chocolate Crisp Meal Bar, 1 bar
Snack1 -Ate breakfast too late in the morning so I didn't eat a snack before lunch
Lunch -Slim Fast 3 2 1 - Chocolate Peanut Caramel Meal Bar, 1 bar
Meijer - Unsweetened Applesauce Cups, 4 -oz cup
Doritos - Nacho Cheese Chips 1.75oz, 1.75 oz (49.6)
Snack2 -Aqua Full - Berry Bliss, 1 Pouch
Dinner -Chicken alphabet soup, 2 serving(s)
Dessert – Meijer - Unsweetened Applesauce Cups, 4 -oz cup
Drinks -2 liters of faux tea, the water with the Aqua Full and another tall glass of faux tea which I think was 24 oz.
Exercise -No, I felt like crap most of the day and just wasn't up to it.
Vitamin taken? -I will do it after this post. I always forget.
Meds taken? -yes, with the usual exclusions right now. I cannot wait until I can get my meds filled tomorrow.
Today has been a load of stress and annoyance. Between stress at my job, stress over some upcoming events (that are too complicated to get into right now), and stress over my application to Illinois State University, *tries not to tear hair out* yeah....It's a miracle that I haven't had to be taken away in the damn straight jacket tonight.
The biggest problem with this application? I have to write a personal academic statement. 500 or so word of me trying to sell myself to the school. Yeah, I have had low self-esteem my entire damn life. I HATE writing about myself that isn't journaling or blogging to the point where I don't have to impress anyone. Thankfully, I have a few friends on Facbook who are willing to help me edit/revise so that it doesn't read like complete drivel.
Hopefully I'll have the application submitted tomorrow. Then, comes the waiting.
Dinner tonight was a basic crockpot chicken soup. Frozen veggies + chicken I snipped into smaller peices with kitchen scissors, + canned fat-free low sodium chicken broth + spices cooked on low all day. An hour before serving I dumped in half a box of alphabet pasta. Yummy, simple and filling which was what I needed.
Also a note about the damn doritos I ate. I needed something salty. The really annoying thing about slim-fast is that it's all sweet. There is no salty/savory in it except what you have for dinner or snacks. It was getting to me and the vending machine at work was empty of most things except those, potato chips and candy bars. I find myself wondering when the sun chips and baked lays are coming back.
Oh, hello there virus.
And not the computer kind. Those are easier to deal with.
I woke up this morning feeling like death warmed over. I think I'm coming down with a flu-like virus. This happens to me probably once every couple of months.
And of course since I work part time, I have no sick days. I can't just stay home and try to get over it. I still need to get myself showered, dressed and to work. Then I need to work for 5 hours. Then I need to come home and try not to crash again like I did yesterday.
I wonder if my extreme hunger and over-eating was a sign of this coming. I've heard that if you're sick, your body demands extra food to deal with the illness. Or maybe I'm just a weak person. Who knows? All I know is I stepped on the scale this morning and I'd gained a pound and a half. UGH.
I hate this. I hate feeling like a failure. I hate the fact that despite my best efforts I always end up feeling like a slave to the regimen but without the regimen, nothing changes except my weight going up.
*sigh*
I woke up this morning feeling like death warmed over. I think I'm coming down with a flu-like virus. This happens to me probably once every couple of months.
And of course since I work part time, I have no sick days. I can't just stay home and try to get over it. I still need to get myself showered, dressed and to work. Then I need to work for 5 hours. Then I need to come home and try not to crash again like I did yesterday.
I wonder if my extreme hunger and over-eating was a sign of this coming. I've heard that if you're sick, your body demands extra food to deal with the illness. Or maybe I'm just a weak person. Who knows? All I know is I stepped on the scale this morning and I'd gained a pound and a half. UGH.
I hate this. I hate feeling like a failure. I hate the fact that despite my best efforts I always end up feeling like a slave to the regimen but without the regimen, nothing changes except my weight going up.
*sigh*
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Daily Post - Jan 26 2011
Weight –380.1
Mood –Bleh
Pain Level -Not high. Maybe a 3 most of the day.
Breakfast –Silk Soy Milk - Light Chocolate, 1.5 cup
Slim Fast 3-2-1 - Milk Chocolate Powder, 1 scoop
Red Grapes - Red Seedless Grapes, 1 cup (151g)
Snack1 - 6 squares chicago-style thin crust cheese pizza
Lunch - Red Grapes - Red Seedless Grapes, 1 cup (151g)
Snack2 - Slim Fast - 3-2-1 Double-Dutch Chocolate Snack Bar, 1 Bar
Dinner -Kroger - Oyster Crackers, 76 crackers
Beef & Barely Soup, 2 serving
Dessert – None
Drinks -2 liters of water, 1 of which had faux tea and a 20 oz bottle of water.
Exercise -10 minutes of standing poses yoga in the AM and an hour's worth (total) of cleaning.
Vitamin taken? - I will take it once this is posted.
Meds taken? -Yes. I can't wait until Friday so I can get my BP med refill and the muscle relaxer.
Today was not a good day food wise. My boss decided to order pizza for everyone due to us reaching a goal of total requests pending (under 300) and of course I have to be a team player and have some pizza. Pizza is one of my weaknesses. It's one of my favorite foods. And I really can't just eat a peice or two. It's annoying. So I ended up eating some and pretty much blew the day.
Then something really strange happened when I got home. I had planned to try and do some more yoga to make up for my food faux pas today, but my body had other plans. My body decided it just wanted to crash. I got home, put Ranger on his tie-out to potty and loaded the dishwasher. I brought him in and played with him a bit then I sat down to the computer in the office to try and figure out how the hell to count the damn pizza (since it wasn't anywhere in the food tracking app and I couldn't find any info to add it manually.) and my body just decided to shut down. I was trying to post a Facebook status complaining about the pizza and the text was total gibberish. Something like "qgu fof mp vppx yacw rp pedier paizer!@#>1", and then I blacked out for a minute. I managed to delete the gibberish, post something only partly more coherant and then I dragged my butt to bed, (called the dog in with me) and crashed, fully dressed on the bed. Ranger jumped up on the bed with me and laid down in my husband's spot (Hubby was still at work teaching.)
A little while later I woke up with shaking chills. Ranger got up and snuggled closer to me as if trying to keep me warm and I managed to cover up. I'd set myself a timer so that I would get up in time to get Jason from work. It didn't matter how much I tried to burrow myself with the dog in the blanket, I still had shaking chills until I got up. I slept for an hour and a half.
I got up after that and unloaded & reloaded the dishwasher and set out frozen soup to defrost for dinner. I took Ranger with me to pick up Jason and we got home and ate and of course now, when I should be going to sleep, I'm not sleepy. *sigh* Such is my life.
Mood –Bleh
Pain Level -Not high. Maybe a 3 most of the day.
Breakfast –Silk Soy Milk - Light Chocolate, 1.5 cup
Slim Fast 3-2-1 - Milk Chocolate Powder, 1 scoop
Red Grapes - Red Seedless Grapes, 1 cup (151g)
Snack1 - 6 squares chicago-style thin crust cheese pizza
Lunch - Red Grapes - Red Seedless Grapes, 1 cup (151g)
Snack2 - Slim Fast - 3-2-1 Double-Dutch Chocolate Snack Bar, 1 Bar
Dinner -Kroger - Oyster Crackers, 76 crackers
Beef & Barely Soup, 2 serving
Dessert – None
Drinks -2 liters of water, 1 of which had faux tea and a 20 oz bottle of water.
Exercise -10 minutes of standing poses yoga in the AM and an hour's worth (total) of cleaning.
Vitamin taken? - I will take it once this is posted.
Meds taken? -Yes. I can't wait until Friday so I can get my BP med refill and the muscle relaxer.
Today was not a good day food wise. My boss decided to order pizza for everyone due to us reaching a goal of total requests pending (under 300) and of course I have to be a team player and have some pizza. Pizza is one of my weaknesses. It's one of my favorite foods. And I really can't just eat a peice or two. It's annoying. So I ended up eating some and pretty much blew the day.
Then something really strange happened when I got home. I had planned to try and do some more yoga to make up for my food faux pas today, but my body had other plans. My body decided it just wanted to crash. I got home, put Ranger on his tie-out to potty and loaded the dishwasher. I brought him in and played with him a bit then I sat down to the computer in the office to try and figure out how the hell to count the damn pizza (since it wasn't anywhere in the food tracking app and I couldn't find any info to add it manually.) and my body just decided to shut down. I was trying to post a Facebook status complaining about the pizza and the text was total gibberish. Something like "qgu fof mp vppx yacw rp pedier paizer!@#>1", and then I blacked out for a minute. I managed to delete the gibberish, post something only partly more coherant and then I dragged my butt to bed, (called the dog in with me) and crashed, fully dressed on the bed. Ranger jumped up on the bed with me and laid down in my husband's spot (Hubby was still at work teaching.)
A little while later I woke up with shaking chills. Ranger got up and snuggled closer to me as if trying to keep me warm and I managed to cover up. I'd set myself a timer so that I would get up in time to get Jason from work. It didn't matter how much I tried to burrow myself with the dog in the blanket, I still had shaking chills until I got up. I slept for an hour and a half.
I got up after that and unloaded & reloaded the dishwasher and set out frozen soup to defrost for dinner. I took Ranger with me to pick up Jason and we got home and ate and of course now, when I should be going to sleep, I'm not sleepy. *sigh* Such is my life.
Resistance is futile
Why oh why did there have to be pizza in the office today?!?! *sighs* I hate dieting.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Location:Work
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Daily Post - Jan 25 2011
Weight –380.8 Meh
Mood – Pretty good today. A little annoyed at points, but mostly okay.
Pain Level -Really really sore in the AM but it got better through the day. started at 7 and ending on a 3.
Breakfast –
Snack1 -
Lunch -
Snack2 -None. I wasn't home.
Dinner -
Dessert –None I got busy
Drinks -2 liters of water. 1 of them was faux tea. oh and a kid-sized diet coke with the happy meal.
Exercise -Cleaning up the bedroom for about 45 minutes.
Vitamin taken? *sigh* I forgot.
Meds taken? yes, though I still don't have my BP med or muscle relaxer.
I know I know, I'm posting really late. I spent most of today doing things I wanted to do and things I needed to do. I was sore when I woke up so I skipped the morning yoga but I counted the cleaning up of the bedroom and the laundry I did as exercise. I did get my nails done today and I got a happy meal while I was out in attempt to get a My Little Pony toy for a friend of mine who collects them, but it was a major fail. :(
After I got home I worked on some jewelry making. I made something for a friend who's birthday is on Friday, and worked on a few other pieces that I had started. Hopefully I can have enough work put together so that I can sell it in the Farmer's Market over the summer. I put George Carlin video up on Netflix and let it play while I worked.
And now, it's time for bed. Dinner wasn't much special. Just steaks and salad and a roll. I had beef and hubby had pork both cooked on the George Foreman grill. I love that thing.
I have a dog foot-warmer. Goodnight.
Mood – Pretty good today. A little annoyed at points, but mostly okay.
Pain Level -Really really sore in the AM but it got better through the day. started at 7 and ending on a 3.
Breakfast –
Silk Soy Milk - Light Chocolate, 1.5 cup
Slim Fast 3-2-1 - Milk Chocolate Powder, 1 scoop
Unsweetened Applesauce Snack Cups, 4 oz (113g) snack cup
Snack1 -
Meijer Flour Tortilla - Soft Taco Shell, 1 tortilla
Aldi Foods - Happy Farms Finely Shredded Mexican Style Four Cheese, 1/8 cup
Lunch -
Mcdonalds - Hamburger Happy Meal - Hamburger and Apple Dippers - No Caramel - Water, 1 Happy Meal
Snack2 -None. I wasn't home.
Dinner -
Generic - Grilled Sirlion Steak,
Dole - Spring Mix Salad (Bagged), 3 ounces
Peppers - Sweet, yellow, raw, 0.5 pepper, large (3-3/4" long, 3" dia)
Cucumber - With peel, raw, 1 cup slices
Salad dressing - Italian dressing, 3 tbsp
Meijer - Garlic Dinner Rolls, 1 roll
Dessert –None I got busy
Drinks -2 liters of water. 1 of them was faux tea. oh and a kid-sized diet coke with the happy meal.
Exercise -Cleaning up the bedroom for about 45 minutes.
Vitamin taken? *sigh* I forgot.
Meds taken? yes, though I still don't have my BP med or muscle relaxer.
I know I know, I'm posting really late. I spent most of today doing things I wanted to do and things I needed to do. I was sore when I woke up so I skipped the morning yoga but I counted the cleaning up of the bedroom and the laundry I did as exercise. I did get my nails done today and I got a happy meal while I was out in attempt to get a My Little Pony toy for a friend of mine who collects them, but it was a major fail. :(
After I got home I worked on some jewelry making. I made something for a friend who's birthday is on Friday, and worked on a few other pieces that I had started. Hopefully I can have enough work put together so that I can sell it in the Farmer's Market over the summer. I put George Carlin video up on Netflix and let it play while I worked.
And now, it's time for bed. Dinner wasn't much special. Just steaks and salad and a roll. I had beef and hubby had pork both cooked on the George Foreman grill. I love that thing.
I have a dog foot-warmer. Goodnight.
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